Unpredictable Change and Beautiful Circumstances

As a wife and mama I face change everyday in the faces of my children and the constant flow of things in every day life, and let me be the first to say that life is so unpredictable.  Sometimes its unpredictability can cause me to doubt myself when a circumstance crashes over me and leaves me drenched and disoriented with salt in my eyes unable to see.  These circumstances put fear in my mind of what others will think.  They make me wonder where I went wrong or what I could have done better or all together different.  It is always a learning experience, so I guess I can call these circumstances blessings in disguise.

It has been six and half months since I posted to my blog space and I have missed it more than I realized.  I knew that I missed writing and posting and corresponding with everyone, but it was not until I gathered the strength and the boldness to share this news with you that I truly realized and felt at home in my own skin again.  Like coming home from a long trip, I feel at ease and able to take the day in strides and enjoy those little people that call me mom.

Many of you know that I have been on a journey to become a work at home mom  as a Medical Transcriptionist while homeschooling our three boys.  I graduated from the program in early June and was hired as an Independent Contractor two weeks later.  I was ecstatic, announcing to the world my new position with a great company.  The interview process was smooth and seemed ordered by the Lord.  The owner was a homeschooling mom of three boys as well and had worked from home as an MT for years eventually starting her own business.  I was on the top of a mountain looking down at how far I had come.  I celebrated my graduation and soon began working full time.  Over the next few weeks, I found out that the only reports this company did were a type of report that I was not trained for.  But I kept pushing myself learning more with each and every report.  At the end of a three and half week period of trying to meet the needs of the company I realized that I was not a great match for them and the pay was only a small fraction in comparison to all of the hours I put in.

I was devastated when I received a phone call letting me know that I was not what they were looking for and that they would send my check at the first of the following month.  I sat in my truck in shock.  I really did not see it coming.  But what I also could not see was my stress level.  My husband and I were able to see exactly what happens when I work full-time.  Everyone else had to sacrifice because I was not available.

BUT...what we also realized was that the Lord provided for our needs.  I am glad that I went to school and finished my education.  I now have a Certificate of Graduation hanging above my desk.  My husband has had favor at work and received several raises since I started school making it unnecessary for me to work.  I now juggle my three boys, the household, and our home school.  I shuffle them to soccer practices and I have so much peace.  My husband is supportive to the core.

Sometimes we feel like we have failed, when really we have just learned something new about ourselves, our boundaries, our potential, and we are able to reach for new heights.  This may sound cheesy, but sometimes it is better to just bloom where you are planted rather than trying to find new soil and sacrifice your happiness, health, and overall well being. 

The Lord has filled the void left by my lack of employment by providing me with a Content Manager position working part time doing what I love, being creative and writing!  I feel like the sky is the limit and even then I can still see further.  His mercies are new every morning!  I praise Him for his providence and this new found JOY.